I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
