im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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