Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
