I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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