I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
