so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
