so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No subtext here. People are naked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
