how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
