Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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