The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
