everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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