I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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