im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
