I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
