I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I want her autograph on my taint
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
