jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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