you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
