I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
