Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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