Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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