Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
