I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
