just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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