My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
