Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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