Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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