Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.

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(315): View more from New York

im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!

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(802): View more from Vermont

he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"

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(850): View more from Florida

if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over

(770): View more from Georgia

Probably Waffle House

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