There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
