she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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