apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
