The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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