I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
