Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
