Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
