I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
