Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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