I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
