First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
