I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bring me that man meat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
