I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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