is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
