So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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