Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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