He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
