So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
