I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize