he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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