you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
