I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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