i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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