someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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