he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want nice things and good sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
