god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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