okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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