Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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