I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
