Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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