my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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