sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
