If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
