he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize