The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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