I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Send help, water and tortillas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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