Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
