My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
