yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
