I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
