I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
