I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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