Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
