don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
