i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
