i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
