You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
