overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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