What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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